this is an excerpt from marry or keep searching to be pu;ished soon. it aims at guiding peopel on matters of intimate relationships and best they can manage them

                                                                people and love

Time and again, words of people falling and out of intimate relationships pierce deep into my ears and the aptitude to comprehend the causes seems to rest on not just a personal factor, but on a combination of reasons ranging from man made to innate.

Many times, many individuals have wished to fall in love or could have before or could never have at all, but those who have, have fallen out and those who haven’t would wish to while those who fell out may never wish to again…others could have tried it just for reasons best known to their own feelings and emotions. sometimes our cause for wish to have a person with whom we can have light moments with, fun, joy, and whatever it takes to brighten and bring hope to life especially in this cunningly conflicting world may under normal circumstances be justifiable by what may seem to be our own making and that can be changed us ourselves in our respective capacities.

There are many reasons as to why we would like to love or to be loved because its one passionate source of untested happiness, but because I am not very sure of how many times we have gotten attracted to our most wanted companions. In not so few situations have we portrayed rather sugarcoated love for such people just by none authentically aiming at their possessions rather than the personality. It may not be true of you but prudently true of others who know themselves. Relationships built on emotions, which seem to rest on the personality rather than possessions will with utmost success create that much-needed rapport rather than drift between you and the person you perceive most to be special and unique to you.

My focus therefore in this particular piece of literature aims at mostly on reasons as to why many people get into relationships with too much high expectations of spending the rest of their lives together, but only left in the warehouse of disappointments and frustrations after a very trifling interlude of time and also why most people have failed to get the so called right people at the right time. Many are left in complex situations of misery, and unchallenged state of inexplicable feelings of despair, and with contented moments of self excuses of after all, there are many of them out there and or after all he/ she was very unpleasant a fellow…any way why did you go for him/ her the very first time, could it have been love or infatuation?

Before we can rush to tell that, it is important to understand that before we fall out of a relationship, we must have had one. Sometimes, we get in relationships one after the other and perhaps get yourself in the present one, but the questions you must ask your self are; why and what made you fall in or out of the relationship, could it have been you or your partner, what brought you together, what did you like most in that person and what factors did you hold constant in order to maintain the relationship, what did you not like with the person? It should also be understood that you may love someone and they do not love you in return but only take you up for a marathon guerrilla relationship aimed at fulfilling the demands of their lustful disgusting behaviour, so be yourself, keep slow, organize, and be on the lookout as you look forward for that right person.

To juggle the unseen benefits and blared circumstances in the rays and beams of relationships, what entices many of us to fall in for each other us irrespective of other circumstances lie entirely and majorly in the nature and character of one’s behaviour, actions towards you, and the life style among other many aspects. I not believe that you can ever fall in fir a person who does not bother his or her self to find out how you are except for those with ill selfish intensions.  To feel loved and to gain the forward thrust to reciprocate the love, in must at all times irrespective of the prevailing conditions and circumstance, but not mistrust, infidelity, perverse acts, minimise among others, should show that he or she is happy to have you as a soul mate, not just a soul mate but a true friend with whom she/ he is pleased to have to have chosen from the many existing creatures whether still courting or already in the ‘I do’ era. That can be proven by a two way style of take and receive not only between the two of you, but also the arising family relations, both far and wide. However, because you can never do that unless you posses the heart that wills to give generously, be kind, and portray that much desired care that every human being will always wish to have. However, though it is good to do all the above, caution should also be taken because you could be used as a stepping stone or walking stick and later on dumped like rotten remains of posho. It is such an ideal reason irrespective of the nature and the extent of your despair for a companion that we must not rush with relationships because you can encounter a very tragic accident that will leave you such a profound broken soul.

The idea of assuming and saying that after all he / she started and should prove that he or she means it will not only leave you lingering in the outskirts of failure and prolonged destitution and or loneliness, but also prove to you that once one door opens another may lock and vice versa. since now that the world has become  a place of less trust and mediocre love, there could be someone somewhere who though not searching could be studying and closely be watching the outcomes of your relationship and will immediately strike at a time that you thought you could settle out things. It could be your best friend, sister, best man, maid, house help boy or girl; you know it all name it. These are people we always perceive to be caring and always there for you when you need them, but the white man was not that foolish to say that not all that glitters is gold.

There’s not any person on planet earth who would wish not to be cared for. That is why you may realize that a more older man or woman may fall in  for a more younger fellow than he or she is though I do not consent to such relationships because they are sugar coated and in most situations one party may find it hard to express his/her self since the availability of resources always splashed are in one way or the other meant to abolish any arising queries irrespective of whether one is having high profile prostitution that’s  always done in more posh hotels and the places of work or not, that  is very common among the highly learned class all mostly as a result of the large social network created right from school to the places of work, and now with the rising occurrences of conferences either religious, social, political, which ever kind it may be that expose people to more different people from those they could be engaged with and may get attracted to them just may be according to the professional manner in which they conduct themselves but later on fall out  when they realize that the behaviour was only meant for the professional work.

But in most situations ii anyone did a study as far as relationships are concerned, you may get to know that most cases of relationship termination may be to a greater extent caused by dependence which is a good characteristic of semi illiterate and illiterate women but even the literate culturally conservative women who have tarmacked the concept of fending into their minds to be solely the man’s obligation.hey look, every  human being was blessed with the ability to understand and interpreted any kind of information, either verbal or non verbal but many were blessed differently as far as speaking one’s mind is concerned since some my be open enough and speak their minds while others may either because they are shy or they can’t simply communicate, but I wouldn’t want to accept that being shy is ones personality, but rather  a weakness that is imposed into one’s mind by one’s own thinking and assumptions that make him or her to  fail to express themselves.

Sometimes, your inability to prove to the person you feel you love in the public places that you can be there for him or her shall not only scare away that person from you, but also develop that lamp sum of drift. This is simply because to feel loved, you must love though in public you need to exhibit their affection professionally to fit in the formal setting. Anything short of that, no woman or man can just take it in and swallow. Such circumstances create a very vivid impression in the person’s mind of your partner that perhaps there could be many and he / she could be scared of being the third in the queue in that particular setting g and or you could be trying out the hide and seek that is meant for the children who are still under the stewardship of their parents or you could actually be wasting that persons time and make him or her feel around and feel loved when indeed the love is pseudo. Assume yourself in such a scenario and try to imagine what kind of feeling and emotion you can have.

 Ever heard of public figures that have lost their marriages and had one after the other or have just lived a wishfully desperate life in which they would wish to have any one by their sight by just becomes a visit to a certain city in a siesta? Sometimes it could be that you are such a funny person that you can make him/ her Lough and smile throughout the day unlike the actual person of his/her desires according to what he/she perceives to be good and what they treasure too much in such persons, and sometimes it could be that you just like the person and wouldn’t wish to have anything beyond being platonic friends.

Much as kindness and generosity seem to be embedded in them, it could also be important to note that being helpful to each other in times of work and tasks will create that stronger affectionate bond that only death may break. Help is a sign of care that each one on this small ugly world must exhibit and feel or receive. Any observant person can agree with me that majority of people who provide help in terms of money and material rarely give the help when it comes to house and domestic help. This is because they feel superior and feel they are breadwinners and hence assume they can be bosses not forgetting that both of you are not robots. Well, I do not disagree with someone being a boss or too much educated than the other, but any way if you asked yourself what brought the two of you together and  for how long would you wish to be in that relationship? This eventually shall lead to conditionally and materialistically timed love since according to innate behaviour one learns to associate a reward with an act or punishment. It is evidently true that most people have occupations that make them, very busy, but that should not be an excuse for failure of being able to offer a practical help.

An imbalance in work especially for the married couples shall create an atmosphere in which sexual satisfaction shall be a mere dream since according to research it is one of the energy consuming acts that need to be done when people have fresh minds. Despite the fact that one may be in position to provide financial, inability to support  in times of house work or task create a monster in a hero or heroine since it gives its clear view of one as being arrogant and disrespectful.  

On that not therefore, you must understand that one of the factors that make us feel loved is the respect that one attaches to you as an individual. Inability to show respect to each other in times of the relationship, starting or dating creates a feeling in one’s mind that you can never be forgiving and less caring especially when it comes to  moments of problem solving and solution sharing as far you and your relationship, are concerned. Respect also proves and depicts how you hold your communication whether you are annoyed or not, whether in public or in private. However, I strongly believe that we cannot rule out possibilities of impatience when it comes to certain aspects of your relationship, but that should not be taken as an excuse to belittle your partner by airing out anything that you feel your remorseless mouth can say. It is important to learn how to settle matters bearing in mind that moment when you set eyes upon each other and said all the nice words that you could think of for a whole week but only said them in  a more promisingly kind and begging manner. That shall coax you to fall under your own emotions that drive you to behave more of a wild animal than a civilised mammal.

There should be a marked difference between the way Bushmen and how people being driven by intimacy communicate. Ever realised that you have ever spoken like an army commander or always have done either at home, place of work, social areas name it, and have you ever asked yourself whether it is the right way or you are simply using a minimising barbaric and Stone Age means of portraying elderliness or authority? Did you ever know that too much authority in your words gives no room for the other party to express his/ her feelings and hence creates the feeling that you are always final and an all-knowing individual? This is a common syndrome with the men who feel they still have to use the traditionally mentored ways of handling a affairs especially where a woman is involved not forgetting that now that most women have enrolled into higher institutions of leaning and even done better than them and can now perform the same duties a they did then. So, where else will the so called authority come from or where will it rest and what shall be the way forward, fight, quarrel or come to an amicable and respectful means of handling affairs, it all lies in your hands, think about it whether you are a woman or not. Take it t the back of your mind that no one whatsoever knows all and no one totally knows nothing that why we need the doctors, lawyers, and writers among others, this is because we are all capable of analysing certain things due to some of the little common sense present in us.

When I was a little young boy who always ran around the compound half naked, I still remember the words my grandfather told me when I destroyed some of his pineapples, in which he told me that the only way to gain peoples respect is to respect yourself, to gain trust you must exhibit utmost integrity before people can view you as a reasonable and sensible person.  The respect you attach to yourself evidences what kind of person you can make in the nearby future. What you do in the eye of the public shall create or destroy the respect the people around you could have showed you. Where there exists respect, lies content, but where a life style like an individual without direction resides, it shall bread, impurity and where there is impurity lies mistrust. No person would ever wish to live a life with someone whose life is characterised by untrustworthiness .this because respect is not all about being too much educated or being a clergy in one of the famous churches in the world on that ground therefore, we must remember that the words we say shall be associated to you acts. Inability to be realistic in many situations shall not protect your relationship and image as well. Especially now in a world where mistrust has been bred in many individuals. The nature of ways many people use to achieve what they want, it takes a lot of effort, time, and other resources to study a person he or she you would like to spent the rest of your lifetime. That is why sometimes you realize that many people would rather prefer to stay single for they know what it means by beginning a search for a soul mate. Working upon our moral integrity shall improve the public image that is usually a ground for enhancing chances for landing on a mate.  

  

Since many people view others in the context of public life, an immorally proven track record welcomes desertion or a sexual life characterised by a guerrilla system of relationship hit and run which is mostly basis through which most people especially the men create an atmosphere of no doubt in the mind of the women and when they feel they have got the trust, they do what is opposed to what the women could have thought. Do you ever think that a fellow who fails to exhibit morality and self-esteem in the public sphere can be respectful in the private life? Think about it and come to your own conclusion.